Substack diary no.145: Wednesday, 6th. May 2026

This morning I feel somewhat dispirited, and realise that I really must put more effort into learning from mistakes. Yesterday afternoon I spent an unpleasant two hours in a pub with mostly unpleasant people – and £13.50 into the bargain. I did not enjoy it at all. Even the beer, which is a good one from Princetown on Dartmoor, seemed soured by the conversations I was overhearing. I was not eavesdropping; it seems to me that those men who are full of rage and irrational fear and hate have a tendency to not only become violent but also to talk rather loudly. It appears to be their way of saying I am alpha-male and you really need to listen to what I say.

The pub in question is down the road from my home – no need for a bus into town. I generally manage to avoid it, not because there is anything inherently wrong with it, but because I do not feel comfortable there. Last night was an aberration; an error I must never repeat, if only for my own well-being.

The other reason I am dispirited is because my landlord arrives at about 9am. Like the pub, he is not inherently bad, but seeing him reminds me of my own misery, a misery that I am able to mask most days on the grounds that I should not complain. I have a nice home and I look after it well. My feelings shift from unease to relative contentment, and rarely stray into happiness, which is what I had hoped for in my retirement. He has a very good reason to be here for two or three hours: an annual gas safety check which, of course, I am very glad of.

I hope I have learned the lesson of the pub in question, which is best avoided. As for my landlord, he is not a bad person by any stretch. But I must find a landlord who is thoughtful and considerate and not driven solely by greed. Does such a person exist? Of course! The question is, how do you set about finding such a person?