Substack diary no.130: Tuesday, 21st. April 2026

I feel strangely ill at ease after my pub visit yesterday. Good conversation, including on the films of Krzysztof Kielslowski – a name I could never type correctly without referring to a blu-ray cover – and continental film and television in general. Throw in a bit of local celtic history, consideration of radically different childhood experiences and memories of living in London and the end result was a warm feeling of an evening well spent. That and a mixture of London Pride and Jail Ale.

Quite why I am ill at ease I am not entirely sure. Perhaps it is in part the fact that the evening is now a memory that may not be repeated. I think also it may have something to do with what could be regarded as a shortcoming in my character.

I tend not to engage in conversation unless I know what I am talking about. As a consequence, if a conversation veers to a subject I know little about or where I am not entirely sure of my facts I tend to remain silent, and I think some people find that unsettling. Sometimes, and perhaps after a few beers, I might break this rule and venture an opinion anyway, although I would usually bookend my thoughts with phrases like “I am not sure but…” or “I may be wrong, but that’s my understanding…”. I think there may have been occasions when I failed to use these caveats, judging by the reactions of others which, whilst understandable (on the whole), caused me to silently reprimand myself.

My wife used to tell me from time to time that I was ‘over-sensitive’ and she was right. This is a characteristic deep in my psyche that no doubt informs my ‘core beliefs’ and hence my ‘world view’. I have never really known if this is a good or bad thing, but when I reflect on it I generally come down on the side of ‘mostly good’, if only on the grounds that being ‘insensitive’ is, it seems to me, a negative trait.