Substack diary no.155: Saturday, 16th. May 2026

I find myself this morning wanting to start my diary entry with the words ‘I am feeling down again due to my financial situation…’ but as I think this I realise that lack of money, whilst isolating and destabilising, is not the whole explanation; there is another component in the mix that is perhaps more important than mere money.

Yesterday afternoon I was able to enjoy listening to new music from Kurt Vile, Tiwayo and Angine De Poitrine. I finally got around to finishing my latest read – All We Can Know by Ian McEwan – with its not entirely unexpected but still shocking ending, literally in the final paragraph. After that and on a whim that came seemingly from nowhere, I resurrected my old Yamaha cassette deck from the 1980’s – a marvellous machine – and found myself listening to an old audiobook: 3001 The Final Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke, my favourite sci-fi writer going back to my early teens.

I had a good afternoon. However, my feeling of enjoyment did not bring contentment. At times like this I am sometimes reminded of a song from my youth: Can’t Keep It In by Cat Stevens. I knew exactly what Yusuf/Cat meant by his words, and it was me. I am essentially a teacher; I cannot keep things to myself – I want to tell the world. I have known many people down the years who attach a financial value to knowledge and who profit from it. But that is not me – I like to share.

And that is where I get to this morning. Yes, I am in financial difficulties, but then so are a lot of people. But what I really need, and what would have provided fulfilment on an afternoon like yesterday, is someone – a partner – to share it with. And I’m not going to find such a person if I just sit here indoors to save money!