No.112, Tuesday, 31st. March 2026

I feel tired this morning and my eyes feel heavy and dry. These were common symptoms during my later working life, which I put down to getting out of bed mechanically rather than naturally. In other words, when the alarm went off, which in turn was set in accordance with the demands of my employer and the vagaries of commuting.

These days I can please myself. However, there are times when a feature of working life upsets my natural rhythm, and the inevitable result is sore, dry, heavy eyes. Back then I would sometimes be woken by nerves, especially if I had to be out of bed at an earlier time than usual. I would go to bed knowing this, and consequently not sleep well. I would wake up far too early and clock-watch. Five minutes to six. Then, ten minutes later look at the clock; two minutes to six. My judgement of passing of time was off.

I was trapped by the alarm clock, knowing that I could fall into deep sleep without realising it; a sleep that seemed to last for only a few minutes – but it was actually twenty. I also knew that I would dart out of bed and, realising I would not have enough time to get to work on time, rush my preparations. And that was a recipe that increased the probability of accidents – and best avoided.

I am so glad those days have gone, but every now and again they return, either because I must be up at a certain time, which is quite rare, or because I am a bag of nerves. My workday discomfort returned this morning, and I think it is because I am a bag of nerves. The question on my mind is – why?